Peer Editing Cameron's Essay

I am peer editing Cameron Richard's essay about comparing two different websites on a mental health issue.

1. Does the essay have a clearly stated thesis?

Yes, both websites on this issue opposing have information on the topic of obesity and its social acceptance relating to the "Healthy at every size movement"

2. What are the two things being compared? What basis of comparison exists between the two?

The two ideas being compared is the idea that body weight doesn't' relate to health and the idea that body weight does. HAEScommunity.com supports the "healthy at every size" idea and medicaldaily.com supports the idea that being overweight is not healthy.

3. Does the essay treat the same or similar points for each of its two subjects? List the points discussed.

First subject (HAES)

A. Lack of credibility in the HAES website 

B.  requires payment and bias sources

C. focuses too much on emotional appeal

D. contains no facts only feelings

Second Subject (Medical daily)

A.Contains various sources

B. No payment

C. On;y Facts 

D. Lets you make up your own mind

4. Does this essay use a point by point or subject by subject strategy? Is this the best choice?

This essay uses a point by point approach and it's the best way because it's easier to understand the opposing side.

5. Are the transitional words and phrases used appropriately identify points of comparison and contrast? List some transitions used.

He uses first, second, on the flipside, and other

6. Are additional transitions needed? If so, where?

no

7. How could the introductory paragraph be improved?

The introductory paragraph is well made and establishes the main point perfectly. Not much can be improved

8. How could the concluding paragraph be improved?

Just make it a little longer and restate the thesis. Otherwise it is well made.