Essay Workshop by Cameron Richard

Peer Editing Worksheet for Comparison and Contrast

Revision of Jon Gibbons's paper

1.) Does the Essay have a clearly stated thesis? What is it?

Yes, the paper is evaluating the difference between what the United States Government and the American Psychological Association (APA) have to say about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

2.) What two things are being compared? What basis for comparison exists between the two?

The difference between the information put out by the USA and the APA regarding PTSD. The basis for comparison is that they are both professional organizations that put out information regarding health subjects.

3.) Does the essay treat the same or similar points for each of its own two subjects?

List the points discussed

FIRST SUBJECT: Department of Veterans Affairs (VA)
A. Ease of access/Information

B. Design of Site/Appearance

C. Useful material

D. Research vs. Informative site

SECOND SUBJECT
A. Ease of access/Information

B. Design of Site/Appearance

C. Useful material

D. Research vs. Informative site


Are these points discussed in order for both subjects? Are the points presented in parallel terms?

They certainly are. Each point is discussed in order for each of the two websites.

4.)Does the essay use point-by-point or subject-by-subject strategy? Is this the best choice? Why?

It uses a point by point comparison which I think is appropriate in this case. It better helps to keep in mind how one website does something as compared to the other.

5.) Are transitional words and phrases used appropriately to identify points of comparison and contrast? List some of the transitions used.

There are some, the beginning of each paragraph immediately stating the point to be discussed.

6.) Are additional transitions needed?

In some places there could be some added for better flow. However, it would not add to the overall ease of comprehension, as it is fairly straightforward.

7.) How could the introductory paragraph be improved?

By stating the purpose of each site in having information on PTSD

8.) How could the concluding paragraph be improved?

The conclusion is pretty strong, perhaps the only critique I would have is that there is some amount of word repetition that could be substituted for similes to add a better "flow" to it.